Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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