Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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