Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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