Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
