So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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