That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
