so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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