Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
