Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
