that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
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