Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
