she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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