watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
