you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
