The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
