I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going