my soul wont recognize me after tonight
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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