I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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