Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
