I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
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Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Alive.
So much puke
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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Pants are for mortals
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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