The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
