like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's shark week go big or go home
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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