no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
