she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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