i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
