I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
