I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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