I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
