I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
