Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
