You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
