cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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