i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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