But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
