i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
