i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
