What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
