i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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