After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
