I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
