Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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