Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
