in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
