I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
We smell like vodka and hangover
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