Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
