I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize