the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
