This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
