I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
