just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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