Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
