I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
