alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
