i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
