The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm passing your future prison.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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