I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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