Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
