My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
