I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
