I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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