We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
