I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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