guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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