I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
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She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
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my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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