Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
