At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
God I need to hump something, right now.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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