You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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